On Thursday Erin and I found out that her grandfather had a stroke. Erin flew out to SLC to be with him and her family in WY Friday morning. While Erin was praying/crying/visiting/studying I had a pretty battlifferous weekend..... just me... Battlecat, and playoffs. It's really hard to have Erin away and going through such an emotionally challenging situation and to not be able to be there and hold her and pray with her just sucks. She comes home tomorrow evening and I'm so excited to see her!
This weekend Mark and Sarah got married (www.sarahandi.com) and because Erin was out of town I went alone.... I love weddings because I can always relate to my own; but going to a wedding without my wife is like eating cake w/o Mrs. Rudnicki's icing..... there's definitely something missing. I did get to spend time with the brothers Bennett (Adam and Ian) and Joel - briefly.... so that was cool.
I came to a realization this weekend..... maybe more a point of clarity about something I've been recognizing about myself.....
If you've seen the movie 'Dogma' you may recall this scene where the lead gal is speaking to her friend and telling her about how she struggles with disbelief... and her friend replies... ah the mark of a true Catholic.....
In some ways I see myself in that comment. I remember when I first was knowing the Lord... how everything was new and exciting.... I used to be stoked for my work break so I could sit at the Arby's in Park City and just read and read.... everything was so fresh. I still like to read -but I've graduated from the Bible to random books of theology..... for some reason I'm more impressed with philosophies about what's contained in the Word and how to apply it rather than what the Word has to say for itself.... and with this de-mystification of the Holy Writ comes an ever increasing amount of apathy towards all things. It's rare that anything stirs my emotion and rarer still that I would act upon it...... Is apathy the mark of a seasoned 'believer'? Am I resigned to be ever-critical - always pointing out what's wrong with the Church and never part of anything approaching a solution?
I definitely feel like that sometimes...... I wish I could read the Bible like I did when I was a newborn and strip away my theo-baggage.... I wish my theo-baggage would magnify the Word rather than weigh me down.
I have hope though - there's always the brief moments on the train into work - where I can see the Gospel applied... as I sit there and read the Psalms I encounter the nations and something stirs within me. I guess I need to get involved.... to invest in something that draws me into 'real' life.
Well... that's my little rant.... haven't had one in awhile. Battlecat and I are going to lay on the love-sac and watch Harry Potter 2 for awhile and then I shall resume cleaning the house so that Erin can be fully relaxed when she gets home tomorrow.
I miss my wife.
-jake
P.S. Battlecat's archnemesis has been revealed: Our vacuum cleaner. The battle rages on.
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11 comments:
Battlecat has another archnemesis - cody and scout have been training. I am laboring day and night to construct a steel cage of doom in which they can have a deathmatch at our new backyard.
Or maybe they can just run around and sniff butts. Either way.
Sorry we didn't get to hang more at the wedding. I'm glad Erin is coming home tomorrow - I know it sucks having her gone.
By the way, your comments about theo-baggage weighing you down are convicting and true - worthy of a discussion very soon. Let's get a drink sometime this week.
BattleBill - a steel cage would be awesome.... I don't know that Battlecat can climb steel cages yet, and I'll need to instruct her on the finer points of an elbow drop.... but I think it's a worthwhile endeavor - we should of course meet for a drink this week.
Soon to be Mommy Hays - Battlecat is all about tongue and belly scratches.... she takes.. but she doesn't give... Erin gets home today! How come you haven't posted any new belly bits?
Hey just a quick note to say 1)you're not alone in feeling not as excited about the Word as you did when you first believed 2) to say you have 'graduated' from the bible seems a bit backward doesn't it? Maybe try reading from a different translation, I know I have felt more excited lately reading from The Message, it just gives me a different look at things. Also, it helps to talk with a new believer (such as me with Jon) excitement is contagious!
much love
Amy
Anonymous said...
What Jake said..
What a gift. What a help that someone would step up and state what is too often our experience; an experience that we don't have to look far to find is not at all uncommon among those who have known the Lord by Life and Spirit. I'll leave it to the ones who read this to re-acquaint themselves with what went on in Genesis 2:15 to Genesis 3:13. I will remind myself and any who read this, that,is was to ones who knew Him that Jesus says.."Look, I am standing at the door and I am knocking. If you hear my voice and open to me, I will come in to you and dine with you, and you with me." (Rev 3:20)
Paul pleads (2Cor 1-3), I wish you would bear with me in a little foolishness. Do bear with me ! I feel a divine jealousy for you, for I promised you to one husband, to present you as a chaste virgin to Christ ! But I am afraid...that as the snake deceived Eve by means of it's subtlety, in the same way your minds may be led away from the simplicity...the simplicity that leads into Christ." Or to consider one of the many things Paul offered in chapter 3; "And all of us with unveiled faces, seeing the glory of the Lord as though reflected in a mirror, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord...the Spirit !
Lord Jesus ! So many things we fill our hands and our mind with, are not you. Right now..we empty our minds of those things...we relax our grip on what is not you and let it go, at least for this moment. Lord Jesus, what hope do we have if not you ? What could we ever do that would rival acknowledging how we really are and then choose to turn and hear your voice and open to you ? Lord we are so sick, Lord we are in need, Lord we have no healing in ourselves except from you. Thank you Lord..thank you Father.
2Cor4-6:
Such is the confidence that we have through Christ towards God. Not that we are competent of ourselves to claim anything as coming from us; our competence is from God, who made us able to be servers of a new agreement, not of letter, but of spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives Life !
That's a tough one.
Does maturity equal apathy? Then by all means let us not go on from here. But wait, that doesn't sound biblical - what about the admonition to grow up & add 'teacher' to our job description (which retains 'learner' indefintely nonetheless). Shall I avoid the meat & remain on the spiritual 'teet' for the remainder of my days?
Of course not. But then what shall we do - we're commanded in a direction that ensures crusty, cynical, unspiritual, hypercritical, theological hair-splitting apathy. OR does it?
Is age equal to apathy? See John the Revelator or his disciple Polycarp.
Is intellect or imagination a stagnator? See Augustine down to Lewis/Tolkien (it rhymed).
Does theological correctness or a striving for doctrinal accuracy surely cause spiritual decay? See Athanasius, Luther/Calvin, J.Edwards, the rest you know well.
Are the too philosophically-turned destined for staleness? See Aquinas, Kierkegaard, Schaeffer
These were mortals, right? So while this can't be expected to be easy, and while we probably live in the 'Age of the Pansy' more than any other generation, it looks like it doesn't HAVE to be like we fear it is.
Hey, Fuerst here-
It's healthy that you're no longer feeding off emotions or any perceived internal closeness to God. It becomes unhealthy when your cynicism draws accusations toward the Church that ignore your own frailty and your own sinfulness.
Realize that those traits in your peers (or the Church) which drive you mad are designed to reveal your own selfishness and your own sinfulnesss. That which you detest in others is most likely that which you abhor in your self.
As requested, a poem.
Archnemesis
"This blows"
Thought the Battlecat
Not unaware of the irony
In thinking such things
Of a vacuum.
"Oh that"
"The horrible noise"
"Would stop soon, as it buggeth me."
She thought, as she anticipated
The end of the machine's whine
And her own.
The dawg is now a blog
Yes it is true the dawg is no longer blog free. you've inspired me jake
But the dawg has no blog ... only a blogger profile.
Still, at least the dawg abides.
I don't know why it doesn't pull up but it is coreyandjenni.blogspot.com
yes the dawg does abide
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